Ontario Liberals Pledge To Do Whatever It Takes To Ensure They Don't Win Election

By Gabriel Venneri

Queen’s Park - The Ontario Liberal party has promised that they are willing to do whatever it takes to ensure they don’t have a chance at winning the fast approaching provincial election.

The pledge comes just one week after announcing their “buck a ride” program and plans to reinstate grade 13 in high schools. The party has clarified that both of those announcements were not made to try to win votes but to dissuade citizens from voting Liberal.

“We don’t want there to be any confusion, so we’re just going to come out and say it: Our platform is to come up with a bunch of lazy, half assed, not well thought out plans in order to let Ontarians know they shouldn’t vote for us,” said a spokesperson for the Liberals, “We’re applying that thinking to all the big issues, like, uh, for example... the environment. We’re going to give everyone a bag of tree seeds to plant. Or we could build a bunch of waterslides that would go everywhere so you wouldn’t need to use your car. See? Do those sound like good ideas? Kinda, but not really.”

The Liberals claim the strategy is meant to make voters’ lives easier. “We know that many Ontarians have been struggling a lot lately. We want to take the pressure off of choosing who to vote for by letting them know that we are not an option,” said party leader Steven Del Duca, “We knew these months would be stressful, worrying about Doug Ford getting re-elected. We’re trying to relieve that stress by letting them know right now that yes, he probably will be.”

The pledge has been met with positive reactions from citizens. “I’m glad I have one less party to consider in this election. I really hate having a choice, especially when it comes to the people who run our province,” said one Ontarian.

When asked to comment on the Liberals’ promise, NDP leader Andrea Horwath simply rubbed her hands together saying, “Mmmmm yes, maybe now it will be Andrea’s turn.”

Gabriel Venneri is a contributing writer at The Toronto Harold. You can find him on Instagram at @gabevenn

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