Premier Ford Reveals Ontario’s Coronavirus Task Force Chief Has Been Polkaroo This Whole Time

By Paul Dudar

TORONTO - After being pressed for weeks about whom he has been consulting with for the reopening of the provincial economy, Premier Ford finally revealed their identity this morning.

“Folks! To protect the very important work of the Coronavirus Task Force, it was crucial that their identity was to be kept anonymous. That is, until now!”, the Premier proudly declared while speaking to the press.  

Suddenly, a loud but muffled voice could be heard coming from behind the premier. 

“Did you hear that?!”, the Premier asked, excitedly. The voice from behind him became louder and clearer. 

“Polkaroo!”, could be heard by all those in the room. 

“Folks! I’d like to introduce the Chief of the Ontario Coronavirus Taskforce…Polkaroo!”, Ford declared as he pulled away the blue curtain behind him. The beloved, ex-TVO children’s entertainer turned political lobbyist entered the Queen’s Park press room and took his place behind the Premier, waving to the crowd.

“Polkaroo has done a great job for the people of Ontario for a very long time,” Ford continued, “Polkaroo consulted the Liberal government on the cancellation of the Lakeview and Oakville Gas Plants, and was working tirelessly on terminating the province’s contract with Brewers Retail before he took over as head of the Provincial Task Force.”

Premier Ford stepped away from the podium and opened up the floor for Polkaroo to take questions from the press. 

Coronavirus Task Force Chief Polkaroo seen here with former Premier Dalton McGuinty during his tenure as an external consultant on Natural Gas Plants, 2010

When fielding a question on why it was permissible to hold wedding of up to 50 persons when an individual’s social circle could only be 10 people, Polkaroo pointed to the camera and declared “Polkaroo! Polkaroo….Polkaroo!”

Moving onto a question from The Harold about PPE production in the province of Ontario, Polkaroo’s demeanour lightened. He proudly reported, “Polkaroo, Polkaroo.... Polkaroo, Polkarooooooooooo!” 

“Polkaroo!”, said Polkaroos, as he concluded his remarks and excused himself from the press room. 

Premier Ford then continued with his briefing only to be interrupted moments later when Education Minister Stephen Lecce burst into the room. 

“Was Polkaroo just here?”, the excited and very out of breath Lecce asked the Premier.

“You just missed him,” Ford admitted. A disappointed Lecce skulked his way to the back of the room and assumed his position next to Christine Elliott. 

Paul Dudar is a contributing author to The Toronto Harold. More of Paul’s work can be found on Twitter @PaulDudar and his website www.pauldudar.com