President Trump Vows To Defend Freedom, Democracy and His Scratch Golf Score

By Paul Dudar

WASHINGTON D.C. – On Thursday, President Trump continued his fight against the massive Deep State conspiracy that stolen the 2020 Election from him and the Republican Party. The President waged this fight from his Presidential War Room, also known as the 14th hole of the Trump National Golf Course in Virginia. It is the President’s 294 round of golf since taking office (no really, check it out).

The President was seen planning his strategy, while repeatedly swinging his pitching wedge in a hacking motion at a sand trap. “Those Lib-tards won’t know what hit them,” boasted Trump Senior Advisor Stephen Miller. “It isn’t just anyone who can take chunks the size of watermelons out of a green. The President’s powerful swing is the kind of force he will bring down on those who have perpetrated the greatest election scandal in history.”

When this reporter asked what evidence the Trump campaign would be bringing forward, Miller cackled “YOU will soon see what the President has to offer as soon as he stops whaling his clubs at the green!”

Presidential Caddy, Trevor Malone, has been at Trump’s side since he arrived at the club 10 days ago. “The President turned to me when he teed off at the 9th hole and asked ‘What should I do?’ I said a ‘3 Wood is your best bet.’ The President replied, ‘No, about these judges that I appointed who aren’t loyal?’ Honestly, I’m a great caddy, but I have no idea”

In a press conference from the Clubhouse, Trump vowed that “the battle for the country will be fought on the nation’s fairways and the putting greens.” The President continued, “We will meet the Democrats in vicious warfare the likes of which we have never seen in the bunkers and sand traps.”

At press time, President George W Bush urged Trump to accept the election results and concede. President Bush added that Trump’s backswing was “pathetic and peasant-like.” Bush also suggested a best-ball with Biden tournament might better settle the election.

Paul Dudar is currently serving with The Royal Canadian Space Shuttle Door Gunners. More of Paul's work can be found at @pauldudar and on his website at pauldudar.com