Trump Joins MySpace

By Scott Slute

Washington - With Facebook and Twitter announcing yesterday they had both permanently banned the president’s accounts, Trump has now taken to the only social media platform that will still allow him to post; Myspace.

“Folks, let me tell you, those people at Facebook and Twitter, those very bad people, think they can silence the voices of 119 million American patriots,” Trump posted on his MySpace page, “But they’re wrong. We’ll never stop! I’ll never stop until I’ve been banned from every website on the internet!”

The thought-to-be-defunct social media site welcomed Trump with open arms. A Myspace representative stated they saw over 11,000 new users join the site, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. The one still active MySpace user, Tom from MySpace, was excited to see the new influx of users.

“Its great to finally have more friends to interact with on MySpace,” Tom from MySpace tells us, “I didn’t realize the guy from The Apprentice was the president. That’s crazy! News takes a while to reach here so I’m a little out of the loop on some stuff.”

Upon visiting the president’s page, user’s are welcomed with the song “Higher” by American band Creed. The president has even customized his page with wallpaper depicting a bald eagle that has American flags for wings.

Scrolling down the president’s page, users can see that Trump did not include Vice President Pence in his Top 9 friends. After the vice president confirmed Joe Biden’s victory earlier this week, Trump stated his his Top 9 was reserved for “loyal friends who put America first, like Senator Ted Cruz, his beautiful daughter Ivanka, and that guy with the buffalo hat.”

In a memo leaked from Washington the president stated that if he were to get kicked off MySpace he plans to purchase Habbo Hotel and rename it Trump Hotel, where it would serve as a safe space for his supporters to meet online.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold