Ford Government Pretty Much Relying on “Pull Out Method” at this Point

By Emma Friedman

Toronto - Today Premier Ford announced yet another province wide stay at home order, coming just a few days after having backed a highly contested four-week shutdown strategy. Top health officials note that this characteristic flip flopping, just further highlights the premier’s lack of any comprehensive plan for dealing with the Third Coronavirus Wave. However, Ford and his team are calling these criticisms baseless, and his pull out method is not just comprehensive but “deadass foolproof”.

When questioned at his Wednesday afternoon address about whether it was now too late for this stay at home order to even be that effective, the premier clarified “Oh trust me. I’ve done this at least 3 times already. I mean just look at the data. Doctors are saying that my pull out game is undeniably more effective than doing nothing!”

Upon further questioning Ford went on to then clarify the detailed workings of his team’s province-wide strategy: “Well it’s simple. A few weeks ago I opened up and pumped out as many branches of the private and public sector as possible, and now just as the ICU units are about to blow they’re capacity loads, my team and I quickly squeeze the economy and tug us out into another lockdown”.

Premier Ford says he promises that from this point onward, absolutely no one else from Ontario will get sick or die. But also by the sheer chance that they do die it’s totally not his fault and probably cause of something that young people, factory workers, or Trudeau did.

Emma Friedman is a contributing writer for The Toronto Harold. Emma can be found on Instagram @epfrieds.