RCMP Announce Doug Ford Did Nothing Wrong With Greenbelt, While Standing Next To Large Sack Of Money Covered In Tim Horton’s Bacon Grease

Ottawa - A recent probe into Doug Ford’s greenbelt deal has determined the premier did nothing wrong. Constable Greg Murphy made the announcement of Ford’s innocence Thursday morning while standing beside a comically large bag of money that appeared to be covered in grease from a Tim Horton’s breakfast sandwich. “After a thorough four hour investigation followed by a meeting with Premier Ford, we have determined that all dealings regarding the Greenbelt have been above board,” stated Murphy. The RCMP officer denied any further questions from the press as he said he had a delicious homemade cherry cheesecake he had to go out. Murphy, along with several other investigating officers, then boarded the RCMP’s newly purchased private jet and headed to an undisclosed location in the Muskoka’s.