Report: Woman Still Sad Even After Moving To BC

By Scott Slute

Vancouver - Despite having made it to the promised land of Canada’s west coast, 27 year old Toronto native Heather Stone is reportedly still not content with her life even though she lives in Vancouver now.

“I thought once I got away from all the toxic energy and fakeness of Toronto I’d finally be happy,” Heather tells us, “But turns out it’s exactly the same out here I just can’t afford to do anything now.”

Heather had spent the entirety of the pandemic in her 1 bedroom Parkdale apartment and was excited to finally get out of the city and into nature.

“The mountains, the ocean, the beach. All things that I wish I could afford to do but unfortunately I did not do any researcher before moving and I currently live in an East Vancouver apartment I’m barely making the rent payments on. Also this city is really big and I don’t have a car. Who the fuck drives?”

And unfortunately for Heather, she wasn’t the first Torontonian to have the brave and bold idea to move to Vancouver.

“Ya so apparently three of my exes also moved out here. So that’s not ideal. They all saw on Instagram that I’m out here and started DM’ing me but don’t worry I’ve only slept with two of them. Although I did tell Paul I’d come see his loft this weekend.”

Despite Vancouver not being the haven she hoped, Heather isn’t defeated. She says she has big plans for the future that don’t involve looking within and realizing maybe the cause of her unhappiness is her.

“I think once my lease is up or my apartment gets bought by a Chinese billionaire I’m gonna go somewhere where I can get a fresh start. I’m thinking Montreal or maybe Banff.”

We wish you the best in your future endeavours Heather.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold