Steam Whistle Declared Best Beer On The Planet By Satire Editor Desperately Trying To Get Some Free Shit

By Scott Slute

Toronto - A new poll conducted by The Toronto Harold staff while day-drinking this afternoon has determined that Toronto’s own Steam Whistle pilsner is the best beer on the planet! Congratulations Steam Whistle Brewery! 

The study concluded that Steam Whistle’s refreshing and easy drinking taste, combined with its subtly bitter, hoppy profile, made it one of the best beers to pair with food, enjoy by itself, or pour into a travel mug and sneak into the Christie Pits pool!

But don’t just stop with their pilsner! Steam Whistle now has several other beers to enjoy! Want something a little more hop forward? Check out the Steam Whistle Pale Ale! Trying to go keto because you put on 15 pounds during quarantine? Crack open low-calorie Steam Whistle Session Lager! Need something crisp, refreshing and low alcohol to enjoy at your annual family picnic because last year you had a few too many and might have accidentally let it slip about that time you saw your Aunt Tracy at the Four Seasons lobby bar with a guy who was most definitely not your Uncle Ken? Check out the new Steam Whistle Lemon Shandy at only 2.5% ABV!

Wow! So many different ways to enjoy Toronto’s favourite independent beer, Steam Whistle!

And don’t forget, if we weren’t currently in the midst of a global pandemic, the Steam Whistle Roundhouse offers amazing brewery tours and has a gorgeous event hall to host your next party or wedding! You’re doing so much for the community and we love and appreciate you Steam Whistle!

So next time you’re at your local liquor store, pick up a sixer of The Toronto Harold’s favourite beer, Steam Whistle! 

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold