Tim Horton’s Expands Beyond Police, Will Now Offer Free Coffee To All Groups Of Organized Thugs

By Scott Slute

Cambridge - For many Tim Horton’s across the country it has been standard practice to offer complimentary coffee to police officers in uniform. Now, one franchise in Cambridge has expanded that policy. Outside of police officers, other groups of organized thugs including the Hells Angels, the Russian Mob, affiliates of ‘Ndrangheta mafia families, the Yakuza and members of the People’s Party of Canada will all be given a coffee on the house. 

The franchise owner stated he felt it was unfair that the police were the only group terrorizing parts of the community that got rewarded with free coffee. He even noted that unlike the police, the Hells Angles actually assisted minority youth by donating hundreds of bikes to impoverished communities, and Italian mafias have a strict rule that they never harm children, unlike the off-duty Durham police officer who shoved a 10 year old at a girl’s hockey game in December of 2019. 

“Oh what? That was an official policy? I just always gave them free coffee because I was scared they were going to beat me,” 17 year old Navraj Singh tells us while on his single 15 minute break that Tim Horton’s entitles him to while working an 8 hour shift. 

Antifa was notably excluded from the list, as they lack any sort of organization or structure. 

Update: The franchise has since revoked free coffee for Hells Angels, after realizing their proximity to the 401 highway meant 83% of their revenue was generated from bikers hanging out in their parking lot. 

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold