Straight White Man Tries

By Jessica K

Burlington - Last Monday morning, a new engineer started working in a predominantly white and male office in Burlington, Ontario. The engineer, Sarathkumar Ramanathan, introduced himself to everyone, aware that his name is uncommon in Western culture. Jonald MacDonald, a straight white man and Sarathkumar's new deskmate, had difficulty pronouncing Sarathkumar's name. After a few attempts, Sarathkumar offered the nickname Kumar. To which Jonald responded, “No, your parents gave you your name for a reason; I can learn it.” Jonald then attempted 27 more times before getting to anything resembling Sarathkumar's name.

Upon hearing Jonald pronounce Sarathkumar's name somewhat correctly, the entire office erupted into applause, with coworkers moved to tears by his effort. Jonald's boss, Dan, was so proud that he called the Mayor.

Later that afternoon, Jonald was awarded the Key to the City of Burlington for trying even though he doesn’t have to because he is a straight white man. When reached for comment, Sarathkumar said to Jonald “Thank you for being my white saviour.”  To which Jonald replied, “No problem. Has anyone figured out how to pronounce Dan's last name? It’s spelled ‘Wojtkiewicz’.”

Jessica exists in the ether. She is best described as an outdoor cat. She is neither her nor there. She lacks la joie de vivre but doesn’t really think that’s a problem. I like to believe that there is a little bit of Jessica in us all and that there is a little bit of s a;; in Jessica. A priest and a rabbit walk into a bar. The priest says, “Sorry, I think I walked into the wrong joke. I was supposed to meet a rabbi here.”