After Long Weekend Hospital Closures, Ontario Says They Will Be Canceling All Future Long Weekends

By Scott Slute

Toronto - Ontario Health Minister Sylvia Jones stepped away from her church’s bake sale yesterday to address staff shortages currently being faced by Ontario hospitals, which resulted in dozens of hospitals having to close their emergency rooms over the long weekend.

The minister said that the current hospital worker shortage was a global issue, and believes that a lot of the problem was that nurses in Ontario are just all on vacation right now.

“Oh we definitely have lots of happy, well-paid nurses in this province,” stated Jones, “The real problem is that the weather was just so beautiful this weekend and all the staff took the day off so the hospitals couldn’t open. Plus with the $0.18/h raise we gave nurses, they can now afford to take all this time off.”

Premier Ford stated he and his government are now faced with a challenging decision; ensure that the weather is bad for the rest of the summer, or cancel all remaining holidays.

“You know folks I don’t say this lightly, but if these healthcare workers are going to take off statutory holidays just because it’s a lovely 28 degrees, then I’m just gonna have to cancel all remaining holidays,” said the premier, “That or we figure out a way to control the weather. Or fix hospital working conditions. But those are both impossible tasks, so we’ll just cancel Labour day.”

Ford said this new policy won’t apply to government workers, who are very hard working and deserve lots of time off. Just nurses. And maybe teachers if they keep running their mouths.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold