Local Man Stoked To Crush 8-12 Patio Brewskis This Weekend Before Going Back Into Lockdown On Tuesday

By Scott Slute

Toronto - Patio season is back! As Ontario enters the third wave of the pandemic, and COVID-19 variants continue to spread rapidly across the province, Toronto has officially started patio season as of today!

“Bro this is the best news ever,” said 27 year old investment advisor Taylor Klein while sitting on the Hemingway’s patio with three other people who look exactly like him and definitely are for sure members of his household.

“Buddy I just got a fresh fit from Nordstrom Rack last week, and now I’m murdering beers on the patios with the boys! This is gonna be the best summer ever, we all deserve it,” Taylor continued while only coughing mildly.

Though many, many (some would even say “most”) doctors in the province are pushing for stricter lockdown mandates, Toronto Mayor John Tory said opening restaurants would not only help small businesses, but solve the city’s housing crisis.

“I know I’ve been taking a lot of heat for ripping down all this temporary shelters in the park,” said the mayor, “But once all the people who go out this weekend die, I’m simply going to move all the homeless people into those now empty apartments, and then evict them in 3 months. Win-win!”

So bottoms up and enjoy the weekend because it’s definitely going to be the last before we go into another province-wide lockdown until August!

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold