Ford Terrified That He Might Not Be Able To Kill More Elderly People If ‘Canada Emergencies Act’ Goes Through

Toronto - As the Canadian government debates whether or not to invoke the Canadian Emergencies Act, the Ontario premier is expressing his concerns about how that decision would infringe on his power to allow as many old people to die as possible.

“Folks, I’ve been cutting funding to long term care homes long before the State of New York made it cool,” the Premier said, “And my response to the vaccine rollout was designed to ensure as many old people as possible don’t get vaccinated. You really think no one in my cabinet pointed out that using an online portal signup for those over 80 years old was idiotic? It was all by design.”

The Premier stated he would be up all night stress eating Tim Horton’s breakfast sandwiches and scheming up ways to blame all of this on Trudeau after he gets usurped.