This Toronto Bar Sucks

By Scott Slute

Culture - The hottest new bar in the city is here and unfortunately it sucks. And we’re not talking the same way everyone in Toronto talks when they go to a bar they don’t like. This place is like really, really bad!

Nestled somewhere between Woodbine and Keele and right next to that restaurant you got food poisoning at once, this chic spot is sure to disappoint everyone from wine aficionados to happy hour hunters. There’s nothing here that makes you want to stay for more than 6 minutes.

Think your gonna enjoy a nice craft beer after work? Think again! All they have on tap is Storyteller lager and Tawse rose. You can ask for the cocktail list, but no one working here knows how to make any of the drinks and they’ll tell you that.

Hungry? Well there’s a popcorn machine on the bar with a sign that says “help yourself.” But if you even look at it a Greek man in a chef’s coat will walk by shouting “Oh my food isn’t good enough?” Which is weird because there’s no kitchen here. Classic *insert neighbourhood*!

Still don’t believe us and are planning to head here anyways because BlogTO told you to? Suit yourself! But just so you know the entire staff has Covid so it’s just the owner working, and he’s real chatty and has very strong opinions on Pierre Poilievre. And no, he’s not going to change the channel to the local sports game.

If you’re heading down make sure you get there early, or late, it’s very unclear what the hours of operation are for this place. We can’t stress it enough this place really sucks. Don’t even bother looking for any redeeming qualities at this place because there aren’t any! Except the giant tiki statue beside the bar. That’s actually really dope.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold