Ontario’s Science Table Estimates Every Person You’ve Ever Known Currently Has Covid

By Scott Slute

Science - The director of Ontario’s COVID-19 Science Advisory Table says that based on current waste water findings every person you’ve ever come into contact with currently has the virus.

The science table’s findings fall far below the provinces current reported case counts, which today was just one lab test they did by accident.

“Based on the current research it seems very likely that if you’ve ever met a living person then they now have Covid,” the science table’s director told us, “We are even finding new data that indicates a couple people you know who died in the 90’s may also have the virus right now.”

Wastewater surveillance, the process of looking through poopoo to see if there’s an coronavirus hiding in it, indicates that if you are an Ontario resident who doesn’t currently have Covid you are probably wrong.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold