Nordstrom Liquidation Sale Will Make Items Only Slightly Out Of Financial Reach Of Canadian Consumer

By Andrew Scott

Toronto - The American luxury department store Nordstrom, whose flagship Yorkdale location occupies multiple floors of this high-end Toronto mall, has been given the go-ahead to begin selling off its exorbitantly priced and largely unnecessary merchandise in a first effort towards liquidation and the winding down of its Canadian operations.

“We’ve listened to Canadians,” stated Marcie Smith, spokesperson for the department store chain while clutching her $1500 Edi Parker Shrimp Cocktail Acrylic Orange Bag, “Due to issues that I’d only vaguely heard of before, such as something called inflation, the rising cost of living, and people’s questionable decision to prioritize groceries over acquiring these really cute taped up and pre-distressed $500 Golden Goose sneakers representing the high point of contemporary ‘trashion,’ Nordstrom is liquidating our remaining chattel at prices now only slightly out of reach for Canadian consumers!”

Responding to widespread hand wringing as to where Torontonians would get such necessary items as overpriced owl hoodies and monogrammed lint rollers going forward, Steve McArthur, General Manager of Yorkdale assured anxious mall customers that its OVO store was remaining open and unaffected by the Nordstrom closure.

Andrew Scott is a musician and writer who lives in Toronto in a house amongst children, antiquated technology of yesteryear and many, many instruments. Instagram, writing, poetry, more poetry.