BREAKING: Toronto Harold Links Hunter Biden To 1912 Sinking Of Titanic
By Paul Dudar
Toronto - This week, the Harold has received undeniable proof that links Former Vice President Joe Biden’s son Hunter with the 1912 sinking of the famous ocean liner Titanic, despite his being born 60 years later. The evidence links Hunter with the Ukrainian Iceberg lobbying firm Kyiv-Russ Iceberg.
“We have the evidence! It is clear and incontestable!” said Harold Editor-in-Chief Scott Slute.The Harold claims to have obtained a printed stack of emails from the dumpster of a pierogi shop in Bloor West village from a contact known only as Ivan.
“When you brush away the potato and sour cream, the links between Biden and the Titanic sinking are evident, and also extremely delicious,” said Slute, aged somewhere between 28-57 years old, to the assembled press as he chowed down on the 2 for 1 deal from Pierogi World.
“Read the transcript!” Exclaimed Harold Investigative Reporter Paul Dudar as he stuffed his face with cabbage rolls, “It is well documented that the Illuminati Lizard people had been working with the Hunter to sink the Titanic. They especially had it out for Jack and Rose!”
When the reporter from The Star pointed out that Jack and Rose were fictional characters from a 1998 movie, Slute snapped back, “YOU’RE FAKE NEWS FROM THE LIBERAL MEDIA!”
Dudar then quietly said to Slute, “Wait… I thought WE were the fake news Liberal media?”
“Oh ya,” replied a reticent Slute. “What have we become? How have we strayed so far from our main goal of confusing single, middle-aged aunts on Facebook with headlines that tread the line of satire so much Zuckerberg has banned me from running promoted ads? What have we become Paul?!”
“We’re a long way from home, old friend,” replied Dudar.
The press conference then concluded with teary-eyed Slute and Dudar acknowledging they had lost their way. They vowed to return the Harold to its roots of lampooning conservatives, neo-conservatives and assorted establishment progressives who need to be taken down a peg or two because...well fuckin' 2020 man!
At press time, Democratic House Speaker Nancy Pelosi had formed a bi-partisan Senate committee dedicated to linking Hunter Biden to the 1937 Hindenberg Airship disaster.
Paul Dudar is currently serving with The Royal Canadian Space Shuttle Door Gunners. More of Paul's work can be found at @pauldudar and on his website at pauldudar.com