“More Like Erin BIG OLD TOOL” Uncle Who’s Never Been Married Smugly Declares At Family Barbecue

Kitchener - Summer is winding down and Canada is preparing for a federal election which means oh god you’re gonna have to listen to your weird Uncle John’s politics thoughts at your family’s annual barbecue.

“I’ll tell you one thing that’s for certain. They’re all idiots,” Uncle John says without the repercussions of a wife telling him to shut up, “Trudeau? More like TRUE DOPE! Can you believe that guy?”

You’re entire extended family sits around uncomfortably while Uncle John explains how the NDP might actually have a shot this election even though the whole point of this barbecue was to celebrate you going off to law school in a couple weeks.

“Look, I know this isn’t ideal. But the longer he talks about politics the less likely he’ll be to invite us to his communicate theatre production of Les Misérable,” your dad will tell you.

And just when you thought it couldn’t possibly get worse it’s time to cook the hamburgers and Uncle John is going to insist no one can cook anything until his Beyond Meat burger is done so that none of the meat juices come in contact with his food that’s cooking on a grill coated in a decades worth of meat juices.

“Has anyone seen my other can of root beer Zevia?”