Ford Considering Giving Ontarians “A Serious Talking To”

By Paul Dudar

Queen’s Park - With ICUs across the province overflowing, and thousands of new COVID cases overwhelming the province with every passing day, the Ford government decided to take action, kinda. In a late-night, Cabinet Meeting at Queen's Park, Premier Ford decided it was time to "lay down the law." Ford then shoved a whole Tim Horton's Breakfast sandwich down his gullet without chewing.

"Folks, we need to get super serious, with the people of Ontario. I think, if I level with them, they will understand, that they need to stay home.....unless they really need to get shithammered in a park or mouth breathe on their grandmothers,” Ford stated confidently.

"What about the homeless? They don't have anywhere to go," asked new summer Intern Stevie meekly.

Ford looked at Stevie sternly. He then turned to Stephen Lecce, "Send him to Napanee on a fact- finding mission, just mail him his clothes.” Lecce complied and dragged the intern out by his right ear to muffled and unanswered protests from Stevie.

To close the meeting, Ford declared. "This government's indecision will be FINAL! Plus it's all Christine’s FAULT!"

Paul Dudar is currently serving with The Royal Canadian Space Shuttle Door Gunners. More of Paul's work can be found at @pauldudar and on his website at pauldudar.com